"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize