I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
