when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
As shirtless as possible
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
