dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
