How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
