I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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