that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She needs sedatives and a leash
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
