Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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