You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
