Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
