3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
