trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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