hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
