A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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