He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
