guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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