oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
