I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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