i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
