Say something about gay babies.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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