I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
