I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
