Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
