I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
