I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
