You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
