nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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