Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
