I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
