How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Sext me about skeletons
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
