she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
