I'm drive I can fine osifer
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
