i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so explain again why im purple
no
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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