Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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