Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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