if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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