My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
