i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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