If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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