I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
