Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
