I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
wow bdsm is so cute
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