If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
