theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
