i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
