Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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