Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
