I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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