What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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