I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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