drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
