I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
