I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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