Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize