So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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