Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
