Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
