New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
