[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
