We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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