Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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