basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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