Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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