So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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