i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
