I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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