sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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