no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
