I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
So vagazzling was a success
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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