can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
