i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
