Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
