i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
