Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
