So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
where does the pee come out of this thing
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
