i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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