Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
