Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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