The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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