Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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