Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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