New low: just hacked my moms facebook
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
