Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
