Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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