Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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