May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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