Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
