I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
