i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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