Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
