She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Everyone says I win the strip club
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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