When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
