glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
