my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We got so high we made milksteak
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
don't judge my taste in strippers
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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