Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
