She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize