remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
