During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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