Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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