You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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