How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I need to stop coming to work sober
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
