Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
