a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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