no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He has the fingertips of a God
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